We all will experience this from time to time in our teaching careers – if you’re new to teaching and this hasn’t happened yet – it will…..so how do we deal with this and how should you react?
Possibly its a parent accusing you of treating their child unfairly, not explaining homework clearly, not being impartial in an argument between children or any number of a million other situations. But the result is that they’re angry at you and now you have to calm things down and sort them out. While resolving the problem is the most important thing to do in these situations, a few simple do’s and don’ts can help you to get this angry parent back onto your side.
On receiving the letter the first thing is to inform either the Deputy Head or the Headteacher that you have received a letter from a parent and to let them know about the nature of the complaint. They will want to know what has happened, who is involved and how this came about, they will also be able to advise you how to proceed. This is a very important thing to do because you may at some stage need to refer the parent to the DH or HT if you cannot resolve things with the parent yourself.
Having done this there are 2 things that you now must NOT do :-
- Take a little step back and don’t react too soon. Its natural to feel annoyed or upset yourself because you are being accused or verbally attacked – but firing back an annoyed or rude letter will only make the situation worse. Remember to be polite and professional and of course wanting to help. If you do not know anything about the situation then say so and assure the parent that you will investigate and report back when you meet. Arrange a mutually convenient time to meet up – but don’t leave things too long.
- Don’t react to the child in question – If you have to investigate an incident then speak calmly and kindly to the children in question. Make sure you let them know that you are only trying to find out the truth. Do NOT accuse the child of going home and making up stories!
At your meeting: Let the DH or HT know when you have arranged your meeting and where you are going to hold this. You may find they “pop their head in” during the meeting but this is only to check you are ok! If you are unsure or anxious about meeting with any parent then don’t be afraid to ask your DH or HT for advice. They may suggest that a senior member of staff is present for the meeting or even that they take the meeting themselves with you attending. Its not a problem, nor is it a reflection of your capabilities – usually its in recognition of the particular nature of the parent concerned…so never worry.
Make sure that where you have chosen is private and not interrupted by other children or end of the day movement
If you have had to investigate something or did not know about the incident until raised by the parent then say so. Thank the parent for bringing it to your attention and express your concern. Then tell them what you have found out.
If it is something where you have made a mistake or something that shouldn’t have happened don’t be afraid to say so. Angry parents come into school expecting to argue and for staff to defend or justify everything – so if it is a school mistake or your own mistake then say so – apologise and assure them that it shouldn’t have happened. I have done this as a HT and parents are massively surprised and appreciate your honesty and the atmosphere changes instantly.
However – if the child has not been honest and if you genuinely believe you were right in your actions, don’t back down simply because the parent/guardian is angry. Be calm and explain the situation and why you took the action you did. Give parents the full facts and express surprise that perhaps the child did not tell them all the facts or only gave one side of the story. If the incident in question was dealt with, then tell them how it was dealt with and why. Many parents will want to know why they weren’t informed – but be confident enough to say if it was a small incident and dealt with easily and that it had been anything of more importance then they would have been informed straight away.
There may be times when the parents brings their child into the meeting with them – you can involve the child gently in the conversations but approach things from a caring point of view that might express disappointment at some actions that they have taken. You can also ask the child why they didn’t come to you with any fears or problems….this shows the parent that you value their child and are concerned for their welfare (which of course you are)
( There was a teacher parent meeting in one of my schools where the child had been biting other children – the angry parent came in to find out all the facts. When she heard everything that had happened she reacted against the child and said “how would you like it?”…and then proceeded to bite her own child!…..its a strange world at times!)
Moving the meeting forward: Your meeting with the parent will either go one of two ways…
- You will be unable to resolve things and the parent is still unhappy – in this case you can inform the parent that the HT does know about things and if they would like to make an appointment to see him / her then that would be the next step in getting things sorted out.
- The parent has calmed down and you are now able to move the conversation onto more positive things. Always at this stage balance 2 positive statements with 1 negative if you are going to make any negatives . For example – ” he has been making some good progress recently in his maths but if he can concentrate a little more then we will see even better results – but today…amazing in his fraction work!
Always end your meeting with 2 things:
- That you will keep them informed about how things are going (and make sure you do)….for 1 parent of a child in my class it was a simple thumbs up or down at the end of the day (there weren’t many thumbs down)…that was all she needed to bring about a big smile!
- That if they have any concerns or questions just to pop in and see you…don’t worry about making an appointment. (friendly and approachable is always a winner)
Helping parents get to know you: A simple way of doing this is to be at the school doors before school starts and at the end of school. In this way parents will get to know you and a cheery “morning” or ” how are you?” goes a long way. The more you get to know the parents the more they will see you as a person that they can trust and rely upon in both their lives and also in the lives and education of their children.
Angry and upset parents are just one of those things that happen in schools. Teachers unfortunately are easy targets for complaints and unfortunately the methods of complaint are often vocal and shared! None of us likes to be on the receiving end of this type of thing and that goes all through from Headteachers to NQT’s, especially when we are all trying our best for the sake of the children, which at times seems unappreciated! However things get back to normal pretty quickly and after a couple of days you will have forgotten about it and your smile will return.
Keep remembering what a special job you do, don’t be self critical and enjoy your class.
Charles